Former Fruit-of-the-Looms Actor Killed at Ethiopian Harvest Festival
	Written by La Pluma

Ethiopian children relaxing after the Harvest Festival GONDER, Ethiopia. - In a freak incident that many observers called a "pirahna-like frenzy", a one-time underwear company actor, Doug Duncan, was killed during a Cotton industry promotional tour to Africa. The fatality was attributed, ultimately, to an ill fated scheduling error by Fruit-of-the-Loom Company's internal transportation department. "It was the lack of familiarity with Ethiopia's many cultural rituals that may have been the real offender in Doug's death", stated a Looms official in one brief. "Even top officials at Fruit-of-the-Loom, who had travelled the region personally, were unaware of the Harvest Festival, or the traditional hallucinogenic beverages consumed there annually", he stated. While many believe that Doug felt no pain in his passing, as "the initial impact of hundreds of tiny bodies would have ended his life quickly ", as noted by the city's official coroner, Doug will be sorely missed. The light-hearted talking Apple for many years on our small screen commercials at home, few ever realized that Doug, and other company Fruits, continued spreading the Fruit-of-the-Loom and Cotton industry "word" directly through international events and charities. Was it his dedication to a "real performance" that may have caused his demise? It was that question that close friend and former Banana, Skip Jefferson, pondered. "He thought and acted just like a real Apple when he was in character" Skip told reporters at the local Gonder morgue during the identification of the body. "He always prided himself on making that suit shine", he would explain later. Doug's work had taken him around the globe to various tree planting events, county pie judgings and to numerous New York City celebrations. Outside of a minor stabbing incident at an old folk's home in Appleseed, Iowa during a Marie Callendar promotion, Doug has made it through his career enjoying many healthy years. He was remembered as an excellent employee, and person, by his friends and co-workers. The sole remaining remnant from the suit Doug wore so proudly on his trip to Ethiopia, the slightly chewed stem, will be honorably encased in a small glass box on a red satin pillow, and kept on display at the library of Fruit-of-the-Loom's company headquarters. Surviving members of Doug's family include his mother, Gladys, is younger brother, Marvin, and all his close friends at New York's Big Apple Association.